The issue I’m going to blog about now is a private one, but it’s important, and it’s more common than you’d think.
A couple of month ago, I was at the hospital, and amongst other things, they took a lot of blood, testing things like my blood sugar, cholesterol, did I get enough vitamins, and so on. It wasn’t until earlier this week that I got to see a doctor and talk about the results, and most of the things they tested for was completely normal. But, some of my hormone levels weren’t right, so she wanted me to see a gynecologist, to check if I have PCOS, which she said going be an explanation for my weight. Okay, I’m fine with that, but she wouldn’t tell me much more about the condition that I might have. So naturally, I googled it.
As it turns out, if I do have PCOS, it’s going to be very difficult for me to get pregnant. Now, having children has always been something so far off into my future, I haven’t really given it much thought before. But to learn that I might have a condition that’s going to make it very very very difficult for me to get pregnant… It shocked me, and I now understand why my doctor didn’t want to tell me much about it yet, and why she emphasized that it’s impossible to diagnose just from a bloodsample.
I don’t even have a boyfriend, yet here I am, feeling a huge loss. What if I can’t have children? Ever? I know many women choose not to have children, but to not have the opportunity, to loose the ability to do one of the most magical, most natural things women can do… Though I know it’s not certain that I do have PCOS, it’s about 50/50% chance, just the possibility of being barren has made me realize that I do want children. I want to be someone’s mum, I want to care for a little life, to nurture it and help it grow into a wonderful, resourceful and kind-hearted human. I don’t want to have PCOS… And suddenly, I can’t wait to get a gynecological exam. Funny, how you can go from not ever wanting one, to having the urge to run down to the doctor’s office and demand one right this minute. All it took was googling the words “Polycystic Ovary Syndrome”.
Apparently, 5-6% of the female population has PCOS, and a lot of them don’t even know it.Personally, I’m going to do my best to not freak out or mourn before I’ve had it checked out. It might be nothing, after all.