The snow keeps falling softly in my little corner of the world, and I can feel my heart getting lighter with every flake. There is something about snow that makes me want to drop my shoes and dance around in circles. The snow is old and new at the same time, it’s always been there, and it returns every year.
I woke up at an ungodly hour this morning. Okay, strictly speaking it was 08:15, so it wasn’t that early, and the text informed me that there was coffee upstairs, so I dragged my sleepy self out of bed and upstairs. However, I had barely gotten the chance to taste the black gold when the janitor came stomping in and all but chased us out of the kitchen. Grumpy as I was with an empty stomach, I still managed to forgive him and his accomplice when he revealed that he was there to change the floors. Have I complained about the floors to you before? They’re a pain to clean, and should have been changed ten years ago, so we forgave the janitor and even made him a pot of coffee. Aren’t we the most forgiving, angelic creatures? 😉
So now I’m banned from the kitchen until 16:00-ish… Good for the kitchen, not so good for my growling stomach, so before I get started on the thousands of things I have to do before I start work today, a trip to the grocery store is needed.
To update you on the PCOS-situation; I had my ovaries ultrasound; not the most comfortable experience, but necessary, and one of them had cysts. So that means that I do in fact have PCOS, although it could have been worse. I still don’t know how I feel about it, a part of me wants to grieve, while another is pointing out that it’s not the end of the world, and I can still have children with medical assistance so I should look at it as free birth-control.
It’s not the babies that bother me so much any more, I think it’s more the rest of it, and what the hormones are doing to my body. I started gaining weight when I was 16 and I now know that it was because of the PCOS and the hormones, a lot of my insecurities are due to what the PCOS has hone to my body such as weight and acne. The reason why I’m telling you all about this is that I wish someone had told me about this condition 5 years ago; if I had known that such a thing as PCOS existed, then maybe I would have seen the signs, and I could have done something about it sooner. I could have saved myself so much worry and pain, and I would have known that I didn’t gain so much weight because I was lazy and gross, but because I have a medical condition. Maybe i wouldn’t have despised myself so much, and maybe it would have been easier for me to love myself.
Everyone deserves to love themselves.