Some mornings are hard.
Well, most mornings are hard before you’ve had your shot of life, be it in the form of coffee, a shower, fresh air, or whatever you choose to do to wake up and get your system back online. But some mornings, once in a while, it’s extra difficult. The bed just seems softer, your pillow more welcoming, the dream you were having is more tempting to slip back into, or the world outside your little cocoon seems colder than it usually does.
As some of you might know, I have something called PCOS, which means that in addition to other symptoms, I have a hormone imbalance. So some days just seem darker than others, some days I can feel the cold claws of depression grasping at my shoulders, eager to wrap around me like some twisted cloak that offers cold rather than warmth, and does nothing to protect you from the elements. It’s odd, I can feel it like a pressure in my chest, and I feel like just curling up and escape from the world and cry. But I have no reason to cry… Which is one of the most scary sides of depression, you don’t always know what caused it, so how can you make it better?
I have found that the best, and perhaps my only remedy for this is to do the things I enjoy in life. I need to put aside the things I feel like I aught to do, like laundry, or packing (as I am moving out in just a little over a week, I need to pack up the last 3 years of my life), and just do the things that make me happy. Which is why I am here.
Blogging makes me happy, I can feel that pressure lifting, and my shoulders relaxing as soon as my fingers start flying over the keys. And who knows, maybe there is someone else out there, either with PCOS, depression, or just a rough day who can find comfort in my post. I know that when I read the blogs of others, I feel less alone, so if I can give that to others while at the same time helping myself, then I don’t see any reason not to.
Another thing that makes me happy is the rain, and it just started falling outside. I can hear the soft tapping against my window, reminding me that the world outside is alive, and I am not alone.
And then, there is books. I just got my acceptance letter from a university up north yesterday (another reason why I should be happy), and as long as I can find a place to live; I’ll be starting on my 3 years degree in a month, and I’ll be able to work as a librarian, which is my dream. Just to think that I would always have an excuse to read…
Reading is another remedy for me, it always have been. I love to escape into the world of a book, and perhaps that is why I only read fantacy or historic novels. I don’t want to read about this plain and boring world, and I don’t want it to be plain and boring. So I read and imagine it to be a magical place where everything will get well, and all you have to do to make things perfect is to defeat some evil overlord.
In the end, I want to show you a picture. To quote the artist (just click on the picture to get to her page)
“In times of depression we can’t see true colours of the world around us.
It looks so easy to cross over to the beautiful side but sometimes it too hard..”
Now; I’m going to do something else that makes me happy. I’m going to bake.
-How about you? What do you do on those days? What makes you appreciate life?