Because in my opinion, Philosophy class at 8 am on a Monday morning is just plain cruel, and I seriously need help staying awake through these… I am one of those coffee-loving witches. I stumbles across this, and it was just too perfect not to share it. I might make this my morning ritual.
Whenever ye have need of wakefulness, at least once in the day, and better it be when the sun is rising, then ye shall assemble in your kitchens and adore the essence of Me who am Queen of all Beverages. There ye shall assemble, ye who are fain to gain awakening, yet have not won open eyes, to these I will teach things that are yet unknown. And ye shall be free from coherence; and as a sign that ye be truly free, ye shall be yawning in your rites; and ye shall read the morning paper, make bacon and eggs, and drive to work, all in My praise. For Mine is the ecstasy of the awakened, and Mine also is joy on earth; for My law is sleeplessness unto all beings.
Keep clean your mug; let naught float upon its surface and so turn your stomach. For Mine is the secret door which opens upon the land of coherence, and Mine is the cup of the Elixir of Life, and the Cauldron of Caffeine, which is the Holy Grail of Insomnia. I am the Gracious Goddess, who gives the gift of wakefulness unto the mind of man. Upon awakening, I give the knowledge of the caffeine high eternal, and beyond morning, I give peace, and warmth, and tolerance of those with whom ye must interact. Nor do I demand aught of Saccharin; for Behold! I am the Mother of all Stimulants, and My love is poured out into your mug.