Yesterday I was exactly one week postoperative, and I decided to cut back on the pain medication, and then to stop taking them completely when the pain became moderate enough for me to function. I did however take one pill today because I’m facing the big bad world for the first time on my own today when I’m walking 10 (or more like 15-20 in my condition) minutes to the doctor’s office to have my staples removed. Yes, you heard me right, they didn’t stitch me up or glue me together, they stapled me shut. I feel like an arts and craft project.
After my scary incident in the bathroom three days ago where I fainted, I started focusing a lot more on getting down fluids, and though I still get dizzy and my vision gets blurry every time I stand up; it has become better now than it used to be. When it comes to the pain, it’s not so bad at this point, and it’s coming more from the inner muscles than the wounds. The wounds are itching so I know they’re doing fine and healing like they are supposed to.
What do I typically eat during the day, you might ask? I’m eating/drinking all the time, and I still can’t get down more than 300-500 calories a day. Yesterday was the day that I managed to get down the most fluids so far (I’m so relieved to find that it’s getting easier) yesterday I got down:
2,5 dl of apple juice (which took me ages to get down)
1 dl of yoghurt
2 dl of tomato soup with what we call “kesam” in it (tastes a bit like greek yoghurt and has a lot of protein in it)
2,5 dl milk
This comes up to roughly 500-550 calories, which was much more than I had been able to get down the previous days, and I can feel every one of those calories. I feel so much more alert now than I did yesterday morning.
In the beginning I couldn’t even take a sip of anything, I had to let whatever I was having slowly trickle down my throat or my stomach would hurt, and just a few teaspoons would make me full. It’s hard to describe it now, because I’m never hungry, so I can’t stop eating when I feel that I’ve had enough. I just have to take it really slow and suddenly I’ll get that feeling of being completely full, and I imagine taking a bite (or a sip in my case) over that will be incredibly uncomfortable.
I’ve never before been so aware of my own stomach. I can feel every sip of juice as it enters my stomach in a way that I have never felt before. I mean, you don’t usually walk around being aware of exactly what enters your stomach and when, you’re usually more aware of your mouth, seeing as that is where the taste buds are. The stomach used to just be a shortstop that I didn’t really give much thought to, but now it’s probably the part of my body that I am most aware of.
I have to say that I am getting slightly tired of always having to “eat”, but the only way that I can get what I need during the day is for me to constantly have a glass of juice or milk by my side, and always be working on getting something down. Bad for my teeth, but what can you do? I still have this voice in my head that is telling me that because I’m always eating, I must be eating waaaay too much, but looking at the list at the end of the day (I try to write everything down to keep track) I can see that I’m barely taking in 1/3 of what my body burns when I’m not doing anything. Still, the habit of feeling guilty about everything I eat is going to be a tough one to shake.
Edit: I forgot to mention the numbers that I’m sure everyone is curious about. Between the morning of my surgery day and yesterday (exactly one week) I have lost 5,7kg or 12,5 pounds. It is actually a bit too much too fast (I must be the only bariatric patient to say this) for my taste, but I know that it will slow down a bit as I am able to eat food again. I mean, if I keep this up, then I will have reached my goal in just five weeks. I don’t think I have the body type to look good skinny, and that was never my goal seeing as that is not something that I have ever been. But I want to be able to do things, to shop for clothes in a regular store and to go hiking without carrying around 30-40kg unnecessary weight. To go horseback riding without feeling sorry for the horse…